some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
