You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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