i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
