grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
