You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
