I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
