He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
