God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
