Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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