Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
