I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
now i know why i became what i already was.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
