OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
