Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
