my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
