i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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