The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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