I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
