"it" just moved
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
