Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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