11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
