In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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