i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
