so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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