I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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