If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Randomize
