If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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