this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
