I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
