I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
