The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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