and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
