Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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