he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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