She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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