The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
