why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
