When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
