I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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