He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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