i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
