wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
