Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
