My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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