i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
