she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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