The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
