i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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