he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
