I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
