PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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