She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
