Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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