she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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