i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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