How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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