you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
