I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
