I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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