That reminds me...we need to get swords
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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