he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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