If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
