capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
