I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
