I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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