If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
