I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
