That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
