I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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