I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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