That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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