I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
