Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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