i need an iv and a liver transplant
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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