ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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