Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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