When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
