do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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