A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Found the puke drawer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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