I just saw a hot homeless man
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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