He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
