Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
