Just mADE A PArabola og urine
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I want to be your penis for a week.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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