I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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