My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
