idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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